Not By Sight
Are you afraid of the dark?
There was a time during my childhood when I was terrified of the dark. My imagination would take control and convince me there were any number of fearsome monsters hiding just beyond the pale gleam of my nightlight. I would cower beneath the covers, praying I wouldn't be captured and carried off to their secret lair.
I was a bit dramatic as a child. Still am, I suppose. The moment uncertainty looms ahead, I begin to feel very much like that frightened little girl, cowering in fear and praying to be rescued.
I think most of us feel like that at times. This past year has given us multiple reasons to be afraid. There were probably moments when we felt lost and alone, blinded by a darkness so oppressive it threatened to destroy us.
The year 2014 was like that for me. In August of that year, I suffered a detached retina in my left eye. I've worn glasses since I was seven-years-old, and my ophthalmologist had always warned me that a retinal detachment was a possibility, given my history of poor vision. Still, it was one of those scenarios I thought would never really happen to me. So when it did, I was completely surprised, and not in a good way. It was unexpected, upsetting, and very, very scary.
The retina is a crucial part of the eye's ability to see properly. I am not a medical professional and am certainly not fluent in the medical terminology used to describe a retinal detachment. Simply put, when a retina detaches, it covers the cornea, preventing sight. It's like a curtain, blocking light from entering a window. And without the presence of light, the eye is left in darkness.
I had to undergo two surgeries before my retina was repaired, though my eye would never fully recover. The detachment was so severe that I was only able to regain about fifty percent of the vision in my left eye. It was a difficult adjustment at first, but after nearly seven years, I have accepted it as the new normal. I even joke about it sometimes, telling people I only have "one and a half eyes."
Losing part of my vision was a life-changing event for me. Those hours spent walking around in semi-darkness were strangely illuminating, because the experience opened my eyes to several important truths. I realized I had been spending a lot of time on trivial things that didn't really matter. I had been neglecting things that were far more important. One of those things was my writing career. Discouraged by my past failures, I had put it aside, convinced I should give up. In those bleak moments when I wondered if I'd ever be able to write again, I realized just how important it was to me, and I vowed to try again.
The year 2020 was a wake-up call for all of us. In the wake of catastrophic events we could never have imagined outside the pages of a novel or the scenes of a disaster movie, we became acutely aware of what was most important--faith, family, and friends. We may have felt abandoned and alone, but we never were, not really.
2 Corinthians 5:7 says, "For we live by faith, not by sight."
Words of wisdom to live by in this time of uncertainty, when it often seems that darkness is winning the battle. But it's important to remember that even in the midst of heart-breaking situations, God is there, showing us the way, one small step at a time.
As we enter another year and turn our eyes toward the future, we must have faith that things can and will get better. We must have faith that God will lead us safely to our destination, even if we cannot see the path ahead.